Thank you, world

This post is a little challenging to write, and I almost didn't. The last couple of days have been to say the least, difficult. A struggle. Painful. My heart has been aching in a way I didn't know it could. So it seemed silly in a way to bring up the emotions and it's taken some time for me to get to a point where I'm even willing to process things in writing. 
I hurt for the families and loved ones of those who have been lost in Christchurch, for the violation of what is most precious for the Muslim community, for the relentless trauma the city has been put through. My prayers and aroha are with you, your grief is mine also. You are not alone.

But despite the horror, despite the tragedy and the hate, there has been an overwhelming response which has struck so much deeper.
Love. Even saying the word is wrecking me all over again. It's like every time I see a kindness, another layer is peeled off the walls of my heart trying to control the feels. And oh, the kindness I have seen.
First it was the police. The empathy and compassion they've shown, the commitment to uphold honour and respect, to go the extra mile has me every announcement they bring. One almost forgets these faces are human beings struggling through the same emotions yet holding it all together so they can do a job they never should have to.

Then there's Prime Minister Ardern. What a woman! For someone who I'm quite certain hasn't slept in the last two days, she is doing a remarkable job of modelling what it looks like to lead a country with poise, maintaining patience and dignity, refusing to lose her empathy and kindness, refusing to give in to anger. I'm so grateful she is where she is at this moment.

Of course the response from the New Zealand public, the focus and tenacity I've seen with which they've gone after community, standing in solidarity. 

But I think of everything I have seen, what has been most moving and powerful is the response of the world. Being away from the home has made this all the more evident, I guess. Australia, we love you. Thanks for standing with us. Cities and nations around the world have shown so much love and kindness, it is overwhelming. I don't even know what to do with it. When people show you kindness whom you've never met who have no connection to your country or the pain you're experiencing, it is humbling and overwhelming in the best possible way. There are no words for the gratitude we feel, but know we are grateful.

I cannot even begin to imagine how I would get through all of this without the Comforter and my prayer is that no one else has to. I'm so grateful for the people in my life here who have been here for me, in all the little ways, in as much as I can handle in the moment, I've been so loved and covered, thanks for caring. Please have grace for me over the next few days as the processing continues! 
Aotearoa, Otautahi, kia kaha, e arohaina ana koutou, kia noho marie.