Inside/outside of the last month
Second year at BSSM - what a whirlwind journey! The last few weeks have been incredible and very difficult to describe but I'm going to do my best.
From an inside perspective:
If I had to choose one word to sum up this journey so far it would be tears. Every class and church day have had tears at some point. Every day. It turns out when you ask God to help you love people better, he helps you love yourself and see his love for you better and that inevitably involves a few tears. Or a lot, actually. Some moments, I know why I'm crying, many moments I don't, but I feel so alive and I trust the process. Or, more specifically, I trust Him. His kindness, His faithfulness, His wisdom.
I was trying to describe this year to a friend today who did BSSM2 last year. I said I've been learning to connect my head and my heart without shutting off either, while still being led by my spirit and not my heart without ignoring my heart, being okay with not understanding without ignoring my head. The beautiful, messy tension of realising I actually like my mind, I like feeling with my heart, I like being led by my spirit.
It's an intricate dance I'm learning, where the greatest relief is the knowledge I don't have to lead. I don't have to know the destination and the steps along the way to get there. Just trust and follow. Jesus is so beautiful. I look at a mess and he sees success. 99% can go terribly and he celebrates the 1% that didn't. And even when I am sure 99% is going to go terribly, it never seems to in the end.
From an outside perspective:
We had retreat week, when we go away and sleep in cabins and have meetings and connect with our RG class (mini group of about 60-70 we hang out with all year). It was epic. I got to hear both my RG pastor from last year and my RG pastor from this year. I got to pray for people and see back pain healed and bad dreams go away. I got to have a fake water baptism in a warm, smelly lake and eat bread soaked in fish sauce. I got to prophesy over first years and serve with the most amazing kitchen volunteer team. Elizabeth made us curry and Meyer did a fake proposal, NaeNae said yes before agreeing to marry someone else 10 minutes later. I played the out-of-tune piano and some of our RG did the macarena using kitchen serving utensils. Like I say, it was epic.
We have our full schedule of classes now. I'm taking 5 this trimester as well as our daily main session so it's been pretty full on. Especially with all the crying. Two are Bible classes, one is emotional/mental health, one is social justice, and the other is spiritual health. They're all really different, but all really good.
We have been assigned our city service, which is where we go out once a week and do something with/for the community. I'm going to the local community college, which we finished training for this week, so will be going out for the first time next week, super exciting.
We also just found out where we're going for our missions trip in March. This is one example of where my spirit gets to lead my heart because my heart is so invested in New Zealand, and I really wanted to go home for missions, but Jesus has other plans. Instead, I get to go to Chile! The process of getting selected for missions trips has made it a miracle for me to even get chosen for Chile, and it's so clearly where I'm meant to go that I'm really excited. I'm grateful for trip leaders who love us (and God) enough to be obedient to choose and not choose accordingly. When I was younger I used to adore watching Fernando Gonzalez at the Auckland Tennis championship which started my fascination with Chile, and then my high school Spanish teacher was also from Chile, so it's pretty cool all this time later to get to go to Chile. I kinda feel like Chile is to South America what New Zealand is to Oceania. It is going to be amazing.
Anyway, there you go, a bit of an update on where I'm at, how everything is going. I have a long night ahead with a certain sports event at 3am and a slightly less important but still fairly anticipated game preceding it at midnight, so I'll sign off here. Much love and missing, stay in touch, stay well. For my home friends and family, enjoy the good coffee, the fresh mornings and the manic springtime birdsong for me.
From an inside perspective:
If I had to choose one word to sum up this journey so far it would be tears. Every class and church day have had tears at some point. Every day. It turns out when you ask God to help you love people better, he helps you love yourself and see his love for you better and that inevitably involves a few tears. Or a lot, actually. Some moments, I know why I'm crying, many moments I don't, but I feel so alive and I trust the process. Or, more specifically, I trust Him. His kindness, His faithfulness, His wisdom.
I was trying to describe this year to a friend today who did BSSM2 last year. I said I've been learning to connect my head and my heart without shutting off either, while still being led by my spirit and not my heart without ignoring my heart, being okay with not understanding without ignoring my head. The beautiful, messy tension of realising I actually like my mind, I like feeling with my heart, I like being led by my spirit.
It's an intricate dance I'm learning, where the greatest relief is the knowledge I don't have to lead. I don't have to know the destination and the steps along the way to get there. Just trust and follow. Jesus is so beautiful. I look at a mess and he sees success. 99% can go terribly and he celebrates the 1% that didn't. And even when I am sure 99% is going to go terribly, it never seems to in the end.
From an outside perspective:
We had retreat week, when we go away and sleep in cabins and have meetings and connect with our RG class (mini group of about 60-70 we hang out with all year). It was epic. I got to hear both my RG pastor from last year and my RG pastor from this year. I got to pray for people and see back pain healed and bad dreams go away. I got to have a fake water baptism in a warm, smelly lake and eat bread soaked in fish sauce. I got to prophesy over first years and serve with the most amazing kitchen volunteer team. Elizabeth made us curry and Meyer did a fake proposal, NaeNae said yes before agreeing to marry someone else 10 minutes later. I played the out-of-tune piano and some of our RG did the macarena using kitchen serving utensils. Like I say, it was epic.
We have our full schedule of classes now. I'm taking 5 this trimester as well as our daily main session so it's been pretty full on. Especially with all the crying. Two are Bible classes, one is emotional/mental health, one is social justice, and the other is spiritual health. They're all really different, but all really good.
We have been assigned our city service, which is where we go out once a week and do something with/for the community. I'm going to the local community college, which we finished training for this week, so will be going out for the first time next week, super exciting.
We also just found out where we're going for our missions trip in March. This is one example of where my spirit gets to lead my heart because my heart is so invested in New Zealand, and I really wanted to go home for missions, but Jesus has other plans. Instead, I get to go to Chile! The process of getting selected for missions trips has made it a miracle for me to even get chosen for Chile, and it's so clearly where I'm meant to go that I'm really excited. I'm grateful for trip leaders who love us (and God) enough to be obedient to choose and not choose accordingly. When I was younger I used to adore watching Fernando Gonzalez at the Auckland Tennis championship which started my fascination with Chile, and then my high school Spanish teacher was also from Chile, so it's pretty cool all this time later to get to go to Chile. I kinda feel like Chile is to South America what New Zealand is to Oceania. It is going to be amazing.
Anyway, there you go, a bit of an update on where I'm at, how everything is going. I have a long night ahead with a certain sports event at 3am and a slightly less important but still fairly anticipated game preceding it at midnight, so I'll sign off here. Much love and missing, stay in touch, stay well. For my home friends and family, enjoy the good coffee, the fresh mornings and the manic springtime birdsong for me.
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