BSSM: He korero mai i te ngakau

When I told people I was planning on leaving teaching to study at a Bible college, the two main questions I got were, "So what is the qualification for?" and, "What do you plan to do with your studies?" When the answer to the first was, "I don't end up with a qualification" and the second, "Probably go back to teaching", a lot of people were understandably confused. Yet not a single person has tried to talk me out of it or has shown anything but support towards me. I'm not sure if it's because you all know me well enough that I'd be too stubborn to back out and arguing with me would make me all the more determined, but I just want to say it has made me appreciate in a deeper way the people in my life. That they would support a decision I've made, while themselves not understanding why I would choose as I have but trusting me enough to see this is a good thing for me, leaves me with an appreciation beyond words. There are many here who are not so fortunate as I, who do not have amazing, supportive people behind them, and it is very humbling for me.

Adding to this is that calling it Bible college is a bit of an oversimplification. BSSM stands for "Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry". Everything we learn is based out of the Bible, but the emphasis is turned onto "How does this affect my life today?" Bethel is our parent church, and now my local church, and is regarding by many in church circles as a cult, I think mostly because they focus on living the same way as people did in the Bible, especially Jesus, and the "supernatural ministry" part of that scares people's theology. I don't blame them - it scares my theology at times - but I want to live with the same compassion and expectation as Jesus and his disciples did, so I'm working on adjusting my theology, the way I see God, to match that of Jesus. The goal is for that to influence my circumstances, rather than my circumstances to influence my theology.

To this day, it is difficult to explain exactly what happens in this place, as there is very little physical evidence of progress or 'learning'. But one thing I am convinced of is that I get to be a part of something pretty special here, and I know it is exactly what I need, that every day I feel more alive, more generous, more valuable, more influential, more me. There are challenges I have to face, mistakes I have to learn from, ugly things and painful things I have to work through, yet somehow with each challenge I work through I find my hope a little stronger, ownership of my situation a little more convincing, and my mind a little more believing. I know this all sounds very abstract, but I really hope that over the next few months as you join along on snippets of my journey it will become clearer to you exactly why I'm here and what I'm doing!

At this point, suffice to say, despite a recent jolt of missing home, family, friendships, Killinchy Gold, the beach, my car... (Okay I'll stop now...), I'm so glad I'm here, and I'm so glad you're all back there at home, always with me from the other side of the Pacific.