A slightly depressing Christmas post
Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year.
I am acutely aware how Christmas is a painful, difficult lonely time of the year for so many. We know Christmas is about being with loved ones, but we find we're reminded more of those we love who aren't with us than those who are. Everything slows down for a couple of weeks, just long enough for those feelings we can normally push below our busyness to surface. Because we tell ourselves everything hurts less after a while. And it does. Until it doesn't. Family holidays like Christmas are great reminders of this fact.
Separation always aches. It doesn't matter where in the world you come from, how you've lived, who you've known. It doesn't matter if you've feasted with kings or begged for every meal. Separation is our greatest fear as a human race. Every other fear is driven by an underlying fear of separation. It's why we function as the best, kindest versions of ourselves when we are secure in our connection with others.
I've lived a good life. I've seen a bunch of the world, worlds that have lived and died. Unstoppable empires that were ruled by people much smarter and more tenacious than me. Turns out all that power and fame doesn't count for much for them now. Everything I've done in my life so far that I'm proud of centres around connection. Everything I've regretted the most has caused separation. Turns out we're wired that way. Even when I know separation is only short term, it still aches. It's still terrifying.
It's crazy really, how messed up it all is. Love requires vulnerability. Loving someone means giving them power to choose - choose to love back or choose to ignore. Choose connection or choose separation. That's the cost of true love - risking someone hurting themselves and you for the hope they'll choose you.
Imagine being God. Imagine this was up to you. Would you choose connection? Would you choose love? Would you risk it all on people? Would you make yourself vulnerable to your own creation by giving them freedom to not choose you? Would you lay yourself bare, knowing some would choose separation anyway? Would you count the cost worth the gain?
I don't know if I would. It must really hurt a lot. Getting to feel a little of the pain of separation here now somehow makes me appreciate a little more of what this relationship costs him. Christmas isn't a cute story of donkeys and hay. It's the king of eternity humiliating himself to show his love at the risk of us choosing separation anyway.
Merry Christmas.
I am acutely aware how Christmas is a painful, difficult lonely time of the year for so many. We know Christmas is about being with loved ones, but we find we're reminded more of those we love who aren't with us than those who are. Everything slows down for a couple of weeks, just long enough for those feelings we can normally push below our busyness to surface. Because we tell ourselves everything hurts less after a while. And it does. Until it doesn't. Family holidays like Christmas are great reminders of this fact.
Separation always aches. It doesn't matter where in the world you come from, how you've lived, who you've known. It doesn't matter if you've feasted with kings or begged for every meal. Separation is our greatest fear as a human race. Every other fear is driven by an underlying fear of separation. It's why we function as the best, kindest versions of ourselves when we are secure in our connection with others.
I've lived a good life. I've seen a bunch of the world, worlds that have lived and died. Unstoppable empires that were ruled by people much smarter and more tenacious than me. Turns out all that power and fame doesn't count for much for them now. Everything I've done in my life so far that I'm proud of centres around connection. Everything I've regretted the most has caused separation. Turns out we're wired that way. Even when I know separation is only short term, it still aches. It's still terrifying.
It's crazy really, how messed up it all is. Love requires vulnerability. Loving someone means giving them power to choose - choose to love back or choose to ignore. Choose connection or choose separation. That's the cost of true love - risking someone hurting themselves and you for the hope they'll choose you.
Imagine being God. Imagine this was up to you. Would you choose connection? Would you choose love? Would you risk it all on people? Would you make yourself vulnerable to your own creation by giving them freedom to not choose you? Would you lay yourself bare, knowing some would choose separation anyway? Would you count the cost worth the gain?
I don't know if I would. It must really hurt a lot. Getting to feel a little of the pain of separation here now somehow makes me appreciate a little more of what this relationship costs him. Christmas isn't a cute story of donkeys and hay. It's the king of eternity humiliating himself to show his love at the risk of us choosing separation anyway.
Merry Christmas.
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