Reflections on my first week back

It was a week ago today. In another world. A colder, more beautiful world. A world living in tomorrow. It was D-day, the morning of. I was at the beach and I knew it was the last time I would be at the beach for a long time. Though any time from the beach is a long time.

The water was still, the sun was bright, my heart was full. I didn’t want it to go away. For a split second I wondered if I ought to even let it. It was D-day, and far too late to be wondering such things. Yet everything was perfect in that moment and it hurt to walk away. A lingering pang I just couldn’t quite shake, not in the world of tomorrow, nor in the world of today, nor in the world of yesterday where I was headed all the same. So I kept my wonderings to myself for the most part.

Travel is a beautiful, kind, painful gift. Whenever I think about how slim the chances of me landing in the timeline of history where travel is so normal, I feel such gratitude. But with the ability to travel further more easily, one tends to travel further more frequently, and one develops attachments to worlds further apart. A week ago I was in my tomorrow home, where my heart was full; today I am in my yesterday home, where my heart is a different kind of full. Yet each journey is a little more painful than the last, with a little more at stake than the last. A week ago I began this leg of my interhome journey, two plane rides and my fair share of driving separating me from so much of what is dear to me while drawing me closer to so much of what is dear to me. A beautiful, kind, painful gift.

Six days ago today I moved into my new apartment, just around the corner from my old apartment, into a room just like my old room, only brighter, into a bed like my old bed, only lower. My initial reaction to my new apartment, I must admit, carried a tinge of disappointment - only a tinge mind you. The key I have discovered to keep joy in my life - he tangata, he tangata, he tangata. And my people here are good people. Everything else is insignificant in the bigger picture of my world of yesterday. 

Five days ago today I finished my first packet of chocolate biscuits. Gingernut fingers. It was a miracle they had lasted that long. My last flatmate, and also roommate, arrived. I was going to meet her at the airport but fell asleep. Which would have been understandable, except that it was 5pm. So I made her bed for her instead, which, if I’m being honest, I probably should have done anyway. She completed our home five days ago, which is a fair sum-up of who she is, really. She makes up a pretty good sized chunk of what is dear to me in my world of yesterday.

Four days ago today, I registered for my second year of Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry. Any lingering doubts quickly dissipated. A straightforward and fairly quick process through which God was teaching me a bunch. Familiar friends surfaced in my heart I realised I had neglected but had been missing. Familiar enemies surfaced in my mind I realised I had dealt with but had let back in. I found strangers to cry on who loved on me as only family can. I hugged more people than I had the last three months of my life. I had moments of great discomfort and moments of great comfort. So pretty much a typical registration day at BSSM.

Three days ago today, I had my first day of class. I felt alive again. I felt myself again. Full of hunger, ready for the cost, expecting to be heard, expecting to grow. Bill, oh I had missed Bill. I had missed his tenderness and wisdom, his guidance and affection. Another human represented in what is dear to me.

Two days ago today, I had my second day of class. I felt whole again. I felt strong again. Full of Jesus, ready for the world, expecting to be seen, expecting to grow. Kris, oh I had missed Kris. I had missed his humility and sense, his clarity and humour. One more of those dear to me in this world of yesterday.

One day ago today, the weather changed. And by changed, I mean went from highs in the high 30s to highs in the mid 30s. I bought a Bible with tiny print. I got told I was part of a cult by a stranger in a store. I learnt what love looked like in that situation by the way those with me responded. I nearly finished a full box of Maltesers with little assistance. I read my new Bible with tiny print. I made a list and crossed some things off it. I cooked my first stir fry in my new old home.

Today, I got a water jug with a filter. I crossed more things off my list. I ate some toffee pops and hung out with a friend while doing and not doing homework. I remembered how good Jesus is and always has been as I did said homework. I figured out the washing machine and the fancy dryer as I tackled my first load of washing. I laughed a bit, cried a little, had deep talks, and bought soy sauce so my next stir fry tastes better than yesterday’s did.

This year is going to be better than my last one. Though I live in the world of yesterday, a distance away, I know my love will grow for those things dear in my heart this year. I know because it only can grow in a place such as this.